Whats wrong with mommy?

Hey Y’all. Its been a while since I have posted and today I wanted to post about something that is not only a part of me but that should be more aware of and be taken seriously.  I want to talk to about anxiety and postpartum depression and how real it is to a lot of mommies like myself. Ive probably had anxiety a lot longer than I realize  but after having my children and developing postpartum depression and being in denial about it, I made a decision to not only take my health seriously but also my mental health more seriously.

What is anxiety? Anxiety is a nervous disorder characterized by a state of excessive uneasiness and apprehension, typically with compulsive behavior or panic attacks. You can have an anxiety attack in many different ways. Some are mild, and then some can happen pretty severely. Everyone gets nervous or anxious from time to time—when speaking in public, for instance, or when going through financial difficulty. For some people, however, anxiety becomes so frequent, or so forceful, that it begins to take over their lives. If you feel as if you have anxiety, please seek out your doctor and get the help you deserve.

Now what is postpartum depression?

Postpartum” means the time after childbirth. Most women get the “baby blues,” or feel sad or empty, within a few days of giving birth. For many women, the baby blues go away in 3 to 5 days. If your baby blues don’t go away or you feel sad, hopeless, or empty for longer than 2 weeks, you may have postpartum depression. Feeling hopeless or empty after childbirth is not a regular or expected part of being a mother. Postpartum depression is a serious mental illness that involves the brain and affects your behavior and physical health. If you have depression, then sad, flat, or empty feelings don’t go away and can interfere with your day-to-day life. You might feel unconnected to your baby, as if you are not the baby’s mother, or you might not love or care for the baby. These feelings can be mild to severe. Mothers can also experience anxiety disorders during or after pregnancy.

Now that you have been informed about these mental health issues, let me tell you my story.

After my second child was born, I developed postpartum depression along with the anxiety and I was in denial about it for 6 months until it got so bad that later on I started thinking suicidal thoughts. This I will admit I handled very wrong and should of listened to my friends and family in the beginning when they tried to confront me about it but I didn’t want to believe that anything was wrong with me.  There was a good amount of events that were also happening in my life that was not going right as well that did not help too. And in this time frame it didn’t happen one right after another or even in that 6 month time span of being in denial, it was more a year or two happening in the making. My husband and I were not doing so well together after he came home from his second deployment and with that lies were made and trust was broken and we were honestly done with each other and giving up was on our minds, I also dealt with drama with people who I believed were my friends so I felt alone, my patience was non existent with my kids and I was constantly yelling at them.  It was constant fighting and arguing and resentment and such unhappiness in my house. My poor kids had to deal with that at such young sweet ages. Putting on a brave face and smile was getting harder and harder each day. Everything felt unreal, I felt as if I couldn’t  do anything right and when I mess up it would hit me really hard and I would feel like a failure and basically make mountains out of mole hills but I couldn’t help it.  Crying myself to sleep all the time, my husband not knowing how to help me so he did all he could to avoid me. All I could hear in my head is these voices telling me that i screwed up once again and  that I can not do anything right, I couldn’t keep my husband happy, I was an unfit mother, I was simply a failure. I would be alone somewhere just crying and trying hold myself together and just let it pass. And the worst happen one night, I thought that everything would be better if I removed my self from life. I had suicidal thoughts and thats when I knew I hit rock bottom and sought out help. I advise anyone out there who is going through anything similar like I did, please contact your doctor or a family member or friend and tell them whats going on. I went to my doctor and they also had me talk to a therapist, I was put on antidepressants and went into marriage counseling with my husband. Now y’all, this kinda of stuff doesn’t happen overnight, It takes time and patience and a lot of self work. I am still working on myself and my marriage.  I found ways to help with my anxiety, but just to be clear everyone handles everything differently. You gotta do what works best for you!  Happily I can say that I found my way to God, and I pray all the time for a lot of guidance, and patience and love and when I do have an anxiety attack I do deep breaths and go to my safe place mentally and breath through it till I feel comfortable going on about my day. Let me tell you exercise has been a lifesaver as well not just physically but mentally! I joined Beachbody On Demand! It’s an online streaming service that allows you to stream all kinds of fitness programs from weightlifting, yoga to even some Zumba workouts too! It even has nutritional supplements too to help you have a healthier more active life. Beachbody so far has workouts that have helped millions transform their lives..including mine! This isn’t a sponsored ad or anything I just want people to know what is helping me and how I have changed my life and  that there are so many ways that you can control and take charge of your life when dealing with anxiety or even postpartum depression. You just need to take that first step with a leap of faith and seek out the help you need and deserve! You are loved and you are important, your life does matter!

To conclude, If you know someone who deals with anxiety or any other mental health issues. Please reach out to them and tell them you love them and you care. Just be there for them, that could change their entire day. There’s all kinds of hotlines that you can call anytime of day too that can help you with whatever you are dealing with. Mommies keep on doing what you do because you are amazing and awesome as well!