PARENTHOOD

Whats wrong with mommy?

Hey Y’all. Its been a while since I have posted and today I wanted to post about something that is not only a part of me but that should be more aware of and be taken seriously.  I want to talk to about anxiety and postpartum depression and how real it is to a lot of mommies like myself. Ive probably had anxiety a lot longer than I realize  but after having my children and developing postpartum depression and being in denial about it, I made a decision to not only take my health seriously but also my mental health more seriously.

What is anxiety? Anxiety is a nervous disorder characterized by a state of excessive uneasiness and apprehension, typically with compulsive behavior or panic attacks. You can have an anxiety attack in many different ways. Some are mild, and then some can happen pretty severely. Everyone gets nervous or anxious from time to time—when speaking in public, for instance, or when going through financial difficulty. For some people, however, anxiety becomes so frequent, or so forceful, that it begins to take over their lives. If you feel as if you have anxiety, please seek out your doctor and get the help you deserve.

Now what is postpartum depression?

Postpartum” means the time after childbirth. Most women get the “baby blues,” or feel sad or empty, within a few days of giving birth. For many women, the baby blues go away in 3 to 5 days. If your baby blues don’t go away or you feel sad, hopeless, or empty for longer than 2 weeks, you may have postpartum depression. Feeling hopeless or empty after childbirth is not a regular or expected part of being a mother. Postpartum depression is a serious mental illness that involves the brain and affects your behavior and physical health. If you have depression, then sad, flat, or empty feelings don’t go away and can interfere with your day-to-day life. You might feel unconnected to your baby, as if you are not the baby’s mother, or you might not love or care for the baby. These feelings can be mild to severe. Mothers can also experience anxiety disorders during or after pregnancy.

Now that you have been informed about these mental health issues, let me tell you my story.

After my second child was born, I developed postpartum depression along with the anxiety and I was in denial about it for 6 months until it got so bad that later on I started thinking suicidal thoughts. This I will admit I handled very wrong and should of listened to my friends and family in the beginning when they tried to confront me about it but I didn’t want to believe that anything was wrong with me.  There was a good amount of events that were also happening in my life that was not going right as well that did not help too. And in this time frame it didn’t happen one right after another or even in that 6 month time span of being in denial, it was more a year or two happening in the making. My husband and I were not doing so well together after he came home from his second deployment and with that lies were made and trust was broken and we were honestly done with each other and giving up was on our minds, I also dealt with drama with people who I believed were my friends so I felt alone, my patience was non existent with my kids and I was constantly yelling at them.  It was constant fighting and arguing and resentment and such unhappiness in my house. My poor kids had to deal with that at such young sweet ages. Putting on a brave face and smile was getting harder and harder each day. Everything felt unreal, I felt as if I couldn’t  do anything right and when I mess up it would hit me really hard and I would feel like a failure and basically make mountains out of mole hills but I couldn’t help it.  Crying myself to sleep all the time, my husband not knowing how to help me so he did all he could to avoid me. All I could hear in my head is these voices telling me that i screwed up once again and  that I can not do anything right, I couldn’t keep my husband happy, I was an unfit mother, I was simply a failure. I would be alone somewhere just crying and trying hold myself together and just let it pass. And the worst happen one night, I thought that everything would be better if I removed my self from life. I had suicidal thoughts and thats when I knew I hit rock bottom and sought out help. I advise anyone out there who is going through anything similar like I did, please contact your doctor or a family member or friend and tell them whats going on. I went to my doctor and they also had me talk to a therapist, I was put on antidepressants and went into marriage counseling with my husband. Now y’all, this kinda of stuff doesn’t happen overnight, It takes time and patience and a lot of self work. I am still working on myself and my marriage.  I found ways to help with my anxiety, but just to be clear everyone handles everything differently. You gotta do what works best for you!  Happily I can say that I found my way to God, and I pray all the time for a lot of guidance, and patience and love and when I do have an anxiety attack I do deep breaths and go to my safe place mentally and breath through it till I feel comfortable going on about my day. Let me tell you exercise has been a lifesaver as well not just physically but mentally! I joined Beachbody On Demand! It’s an online streaming service that allows you to stream all kinds of fitness programs from weightlifting, yoga to even some Zumba workouts too! It even has nutritional supplements too to help you have a healthier more active life. Beachbody so far has workouts that have helped millions transform their lives..including mine! This isn’t a sponsored ad or anything I just want people to know what is helping me and how I have changed my life and  that there are so many ways that you can control and take charge of your life when dealing with anxiety or even postpartum depression. You just need to take that first step with a leap of faith and seek out the help you need and deserve! You are loved and you are important, your life does matter!

To conclude, If you know someone who deals with anxiety or any other mental health issues. Please reach out to them and tell them you love them and you care. Just be there for them, that could change their entire day. There’s all kinds of hotlines that you can call anytime of day too that can help you with whatever you are dealing with. Mommies keep on doing what you do because you are amazing and awesome as well!

 

 

 

 

PARENTHOOD

Opinions are like A$$H%!&$…Everyone’s got one.

Parenting is the easiest thing in the world to have an opinion about, but the hardest thing in the world to do.  ~Matt Walsh

 

      Everyone has an opinion and some people just have an opinion about everything if you know what I mean LOL, but they are entitled to those opinions. There are some people who can take people’s opinions with a grain of salt (and toss it over they’re shoulder like its nothing) and others who take it to way to personal and take it to heart and then they get defensive. Nowadays everyone is overly sensitive about everything (that’s my personal opinion.) There’s no doubt in my mind that parenting is the hardest job out there. As mothers not only do we risk our bodies to create a human being and go through the most excruciating pain anyone could ever imagine but then we have to raise them to become a decent human being in this world! I mean talk about pressure!

    We do what we think is best for our kids. I mean a lot of first time moms out there get that weird itch, if you’ve ever seen the Luvs diaper commercial with the mom and the mechanic you know what I’m talking about. Not to say that I too didn’t have that itch, where we had to sanitize everything, baby proof the toilet seat, being over protective of everything. I like to call it New Mommy Itch, you can’t help it.  I remember with my first-born I wanted to be the perfect mom. I made sure she watched baby Einstein videos 30 minutes a day so her brain was getting stimulated enough, I breastfed her, I was making her baby food myself, I was teaching her sign language and Spanish and I made sure she had toys that were educational for her too.  Doesn’t that sound exhausting? Let me tell you I sure was exhausted at the end of every night and no wonder I suffered through post pardon depression, but that’s a whole other story for a different blog.  I wanted to share this with you because I felt this sort of pressure from society.  I felt pressured to raise my daughter the way I thought society wanted me to raise her and not the way I felt was best to raise her. I felt like if I didn’t do those things for my child that people were going to view me as this unfit parent who didn’t care about her child’s well-being. I followed those opinions instead of my mommy instinct.

   Anyone and everyone is going to have an opinion about anything you do. They will have an opinion on how you discipline your child, what you feed them, how they are dressed, the fact that you let them color their hair at such a young age. Shoot they may even have something to say not only about how you parent but about yourself too! I personally struggled through a lot of this with my anxiety and post pardon depression, overly thinking about how to handle my children in front of strangers and family members trying to do everything by the book. And it caused me to struggle with life in general. It put a wedge between my husband and I, it caused me to get frustrated with my children all the time, I lost myself,  I lost friends because I let their opinions get inside my head. Which by the way, those kind of people who do not support you for who you are and how you do things in your life  are not your real friends. You do not have to go through this like I did. It took me a long time to realize that I am a great mom, and I do a fantastic job at raising my girls. Surround yourself with people who love you, and respect you even if they handle stuff differently than you do and don’t agree with everything you do but still respect you and your decisions. Because we all do things that work for us and we should respect everyone on how they live their lives, On how mothers take care of their children because in the end..they are her children and she knows whats best for HER kids.

   Mommies you are a lot stronger than you think you are. You can handle more than you think you are capable of handling. Lets all work on supporting each other more and not giving each other dirty looks when we see someone else doing things differently. Or shut a mommy out because you simply don’t agree with the way she does things. Everyone has an opinion, and they have a right to their opinion but it’s also you right to just look at them and say thanks and go about your day. In the end, you know you’re awesome and you got this!

PARENTHOOD

#GirlMom

 

“My identity rests solely and firmly on this: I am my mother’s daughter.”

Spanglish  

 

      HEY Y’ALL! Okay so today I wanted to talk about being a girl mom. Normally you hear a lot of boy mom talk, see boy quotes, or about how rough it is and how exhausting it can be. But you also get all the wonderful aspects from it as well. You know what though?!?! I don’t think I ever see anything about being a girl mom except those Mommy and me matching outfits, and don’t get me wrong I love those and have a few in my closet! I mean girls are just the same as boys!!! Sure we get the fun girly side where they like to play with dolls, dress up and be princesses and of course wear those extremely cute tutus. But at the same time they fart, burp out loud, they play in the dirt and take the most stinkiest poops i have ever smelled!!!! I mean seriously! Being a girl mom has been very rewarding to me don’t get me wrong and I wouldn’t trade it for the world.  I am a mother of two beautiful girls and they are my everything but boy do they drive me crazy and give me a run for my money. Just yesterday I had to deal with my four year old throwing a temper tantrum in a shopping center outside on the side walk. She’s screaming, crying her eyes out, flailing around like a fish out of water all because she wanted the unicorn makeup in the store and we said no. Does that sound cute and fun? No it doesn’t. Or how about my two year old who is already missing a tooth because she was spinning in circles and lost her balance and hit the end table shattering her front tooth which later had to be removed completely! Yeah this whole girl thing isn’t always tiaras and tutus ladies. They get rough and dirty and crazy too.

Now look Im not complaining but I wanted to give you a small insight of life with daughters. Yes I enjoy dressing them up in pretty outfits, doing their hair and adding a huge bow in it, watching them pretend to be princesses and paint their nails and all things sweet and nice. But at the same time, I also dealt with their naked booty dances, chasing them to get their clothes on yelling HOLD STILL while I fought them through their giggles and them attempting to escape! I’ve woken up with my two year olds booty in my face on one side and on the other side the oldest still sleeping with drool running down her cheek, mouth wide open and snoring like a freight train in my ear. It ain’t that pretty! Some times I throw in the towel too mommies, I will leave their hair in their face with tangles in it. I’ll send my oldest to school in an outfit that doesn’t make any sense because thats what she wanted to wear. But hey it made her happy and boosted her confidence and when we see our kids happy thats what matters the most. Right Mommies? So my point is that i deal with the same kind of crazy stuff that a boy mom deals with, its not all glamorous as some might think it is.

In all honesty, I love being a girl mom. I love everything there is to this life and I wouldn’t change it for the world. Except maybe their farts should smell like roses. That would be a nice change.

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Welcome!

Start where you are. Use what you have. Do what you can!

Arther Ashe

Hey guys!

Welcome to my blog! I am so excited to start this journey and share my personal tips/advice on parenthood, health/fitness, and lifestyle. I will also being sharing my personal thoughts on a subject every week, it can be about anything from marriage, mental health, parenting struggles and positive outcomes, my favorite new spot to shop or eat…etc so make sure you come back and read what it’s about! This is my place where i get to be me and share my life with you! I hope you enjoy! Love you all xoxo

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